sleepless nights.
nightmares.
occassional sweet dreams of daytime fantasies that are disrupted by sudden awakening, and realization of the cold hard truth.
not being able to go back to sleep.
not having the appetite to eat.
not being able to cry.
aching heart.
migraine
dark eye rings.
fucking pimple.
cramps.
lack of energy for anything and everything.
stabbing pains in my back.
legs that turn numb.
constant naggings at home.
nochalance that's greeted with even more naggings about bad attitude.
having to meet expectations.
leading a life of others.
having to do what others want, and expect and yet not being able to get what i want in return.
contradictions.
being told that i have a choice to lead a life of my own, and yet being forced to conform to others' expectations at the same time.
not having the energy to explain to people whom i wish would understand the fuck that i am going through.
having to accept others' views and points and yet not being able to bring mine across.
fucking lost my phone.
call me if you want me to have your number.
distance.
urge to punch something, someone or even myself to transfer the pain, but yet not having the guts to do so.
fucking coward.
not being able to stand up for what is mine.
cheap fucking sluts all around, whom i would just punch inthe face if there weren't any law, but yet all i could do was shove them, and yet they still came back like flies to a pile of shit.
i can't do this anymore.
and yet i can't not do it.