psych has been a subject that i have been wanting to take since eternity, and this sem, i am taking it. and omg, what a bore it is. we have to take part in tons of research projects in order to gain RP credits, so that we don't have to write this other report. at the start of this week, i had ZERO RPs, but now i have more than enough to fill up all the credits that i need. ok..that is not the story of this entry...the story is this...

i have since taken two RPs, and this is kinda weird, but i enjoy taking part in them. i find them somehow interesting, and one way or another, i seem to be thinking about some stuff about myself, that i have never thought about before. these thoughts were evoked by the questions that were asked in the RPs...which were mostly about emotions, characters and cardiovascular responses.

i went for this very interesting RP today, which required me to relax in a room with the sound of birds chirping and water flowing for 10 mins, while my BP was constantly taken to see what is like when i am in the state of rest. after which, i was given 5 mins to write down a recent incident which angered me, and that was followed by another 5 mins of verbal interview where i had to repeat what i wrote down on the questionaire. and throughout all this while, my BP was taken.

well...i have been feeling really really really super duper down since monday, and i cannot explain why. maybe it is pms, but i doubt so, since i hardly experience that. but i guess it is this thing that's been nagging at me at the back of my mind...and i cannot say it out at all to anyone who ask me. but just now during the 30 min experiment, i poured out my troubles to a complete stranger. the experimenter was sitting in a seperate room, and i had my back towards him, and we communicated through the PA system. he asked me questions to prompt me to talk further, while my BP was taken to see what my heart's reaction was...and all through that time, instead of increasing...my BP remained the same (did i wreck his thesis?? haha)...i wonder is it because i am jaded or is it because i was just too tired. then he asked me what do i think is the solution for what i told him, and it just came out of my mouth, and now i think that is really the answer.and after the RP, for once i felt light-hearted in so many days...

so the story is...it's just weird how i cannot say out all that's bothering me to those who are close to me, yet i did it easily with a stranger, and removed the burden that's been in my heart.