chronicles of the _______ maid

for the past 3 months, we have been living with this new maid from Myanmar who's just ________. pls note that prior to this job, she has 1 yr working experience in Singapore, so it has nothing to do with her being inexperienced or a difference in culture. i don't even know what word to use to describe her, so please fill in the blank yourself, based on the stuff that i'm going to tell you...

1) apologizing for mistakes:
when our old maid was still around, she will apologize for all the mistakes made by the old maid even when it does not involve her. and after the old maid has left, she die also refuse to admit her own mistake, instead she chooses to argue non-stop

2) preparing breakfast:
one day, she suggested to make tuna sandwich for breakfast for my elder sis, and peanut butter sandwich for my younger sis. my mom told her to just keep it simple and make tuna sandwich for the both of them. the next morning...they get a special breakfast of...tuna AND peanut butter sandwich.

3) arranging flower pots:
she tries to fit a big flower pot into a small flower pot, and when the pot couldn't go in, she just kept trying over and over again, because she can't figure out why the BIG flower pot cannot go into the SMALL flower pot.

4) vacuuming the floor:
if she plugs the vacuum cleaner into a socket, she will only vacuum areas that can be covered by the maximum length of the vacuum cleaner, anything beyond that, she does not vacuum. and if u ask her why she does not vacuum the other areas, her reply is "no more wire". it does not occur to her that she can plug the vacuum cleaner into another socket

5) setting of the dinner table:
all cutlery are set on the RHS of each seat. but for her, she sets the cutlery on the RHS of each seat on one side of the dining table, and on the other side of the table, she sets it based on the mirror image of what she sees opposite her - aka the LHS. and no matter how u explain to her...it's set that way. even if u demonstrate to her, she does not get it.

6) boiling water:
she boils water to refill all the water flasks in the morning. by evening, the water flasks are empty. if you ask her why she never boil more water..her reply is "i boiled water this morning already". it does not matter whether the flask is now empty or not, to her, as long as she boiled water in the morning, there's no need to boil again at any other points of the day

7) mopping of the parquet floor:
after 10,000 rounds of demonstration, she mops the floor with a mop so wet that it seems as though she WASHED the floor. and instead of using the "hair" of the mop to mop the floor, she spreads out the hair and uses the stick to scratch the parquet

8) telling lies:
she never puts things back in their original position. sometimes we put it back for her (while she watches us put the stuff back in their original position), and then we ask her why didn't she put the things back in their original position..she replies " i put back! (points at the item that she just saw us placing back) this one i put back here!".
when questioned whether she cleaned the floor/table that has a THICK layer of dust on it, she replies in a very defiant manner "I CLEANED THIS MORNING!". yup, we surely believe that there's so much dust in the air that a new layer can accumulate in less than half a day

9) taking meat out of the freezer:
when we tell her to take chicken out of the freezer, she takes out pork from the freezer. by the way, the word "PORK" is written in bold red words on the packets, and yes she knows how to read and spell english.

10) identifying colours:
when asked to take a PINK basket out from the storeroom, she takes out baskets of every other colour except the PINK one.

11) packing bags:
some mornings, she wakes up and decides that, today is the day she goes home...so she proceeds to pack her luggage and then she sits on her bed and refuses to do anything.

12) crying:
on other days she cries like as though her whole family just died, and ...she cries for no apparent reason.

13) good mornings:
oh yes...and there are some other mornings when she skips up the stairs and waves at me with a big smile on her face and says "GOOD MORNING!!" in this oh-so-melodious manner

14) singing:
she sings at the top of her voice while washing the toilet. she also takes one and a half hours to wash ONE toilet.

15) spying:
she eavesdrop on all our phone conversations, and spies on everything that we do. you know she's doing it because...she wipes the same spot over and over again the moment you get on the phone. and she lingers around our desk while we are using the computer.

16) personal hygiene:
she does not brush her teeth in the morning, and i suspect some days she does not shower.
she uses spoons that have washing detergent on them to eat.

and the list goes on...if you are wondering why we do not send her back, it's simply because her agent does not want to take her back. and yes, i am filing a complaint with CASE on the bad services rendered by the maid agency. for now, we tolerate her nonsense, till we find a suitable replacement.